dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
