what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
