I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
foreskin is a definite game changer
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
