So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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