i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
