you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
