Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
