we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
