im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
even my farts smell like vagina
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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