turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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