I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
