i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
