Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
