complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
