He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
