Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
