i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
