i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Everything about him screamed your future.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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