He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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