just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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