I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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