the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
