I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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