It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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