Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
