Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
