I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
