You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
lets start a swedish sibling band together
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
