I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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