You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
