Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
