I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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