:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
