I just gift wrapped bread.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
