They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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