the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
