One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
