So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I want to be your penis for a week.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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