We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
