Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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