took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
