I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
