Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
