Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
