i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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