Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
