No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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