i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
