did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Randomize
