im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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