it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
