Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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