didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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