You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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