You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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