addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
