woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
