Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
