So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
