he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
