Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
