matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
