I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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