Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
