You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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