see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
