I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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