went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Randomize
