Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
